what if

i promised you a better tomorrow…if you gave me a chance <3

there’s a point

that i think every person gets too where they’ve had enough. And I’m here. I’m at that line of just screaming fuck it, i dont give a fuck! I’m to that point where, im drifting away from friends, my mind is putting overtime and my heart is just beating itself up. And you haven’t done anything on purpose. You have no idea. but thats the problem you should be doing something. you should be climbing mountains, crossing thin ropes, fighting bears and lions to make me feel better. you are the cause to this effect. And when im down , and living like a zombie i cant help but stress and think about every single shitty thing about my life. and im all stressed , i dont smile, i dont want to do anything but stay in bed and sleep. but im done, if taking you out my life can make everything else a less lighter. then im going too. i care about you insanely, ive forgiven you stupidly, and letting you go will be torture. but i know its whats best for me. i know i need to start fresh . i need to let go of the past, and stop holding on to something that has no future. before that night. i was going thru some shit, but i was making the right choices. you made me make a left. and everything i had worked so hard for, every feeling i tried to overcome, and every change i wanted to make disappeared. had no idea a person could have that much power over another.

crazy

how with time you realize alot about yourself.

how your mind set is so different, how all the pain you went thru, did one of two

either made you look at the positive ,stronger , better, easier side

or did negative, make you angry and stayed that way, bitter side.

change is bound to happen embrace it.

#change  

and i hate

that im checking your fb everyday, man and effing checking your girls as well. i feel like a stalker, i feel like i need to let you hurt me as much as possible so the pain will go away all at once, there will be no feelings left, because the more pain i feel, the wider my eyes open. the more my heart realizes that you weren’t right. today someone asked me if i was in “love”? my answer was something like a “hell no”

bc if i was in love i wouldn’t have let you go so easily, if i was in love i would’ve fought for you back. if i was in love, nothing would’ve happened the way it did. but its all right little by little im going to get over this. im going to try with everything i have. Because as days go by, as i break down  every little moment, every small gesture you made i see that i needed more, i want more and i deserve more. all that said and done i will cry all i need to, be in my funkiest funk in the smallest period possible. and try to avoid you every way possible. SIGH

#ohman  

sigh!

im fustrated that i cant stop thinking about you. im pissed at myself b.c i think of many scenarios of what i shouldve said , how i shouldve said things. but every time i go back to the same conclusion, all you could’ve done was just say. are you sure?

thats it. but now you’re with your ex girl, that iwish i can slap in the face. but she’s living the life i was ,feeling what you made me feel, and she has you the way i wanted to. she might be young , and all, i might look better than her, dress better and all these things but she has you. i gave up on us, but i had a womens intuition to let you go. and im not going back, i wont regret it…but this shit still hurts ALOT

#heartbroken  

1st month of working out?

was kind of a fail lol but bby steps i no longer drink much soda, and drink way more water than before. i dont eat alot of fattening food,or as much fast food as i use to. and  ive worked out at least once a week lol

but this 2nd month ima try way harder, and my 3rd month well im going H.A.M lol i weigh 143 so lets see if  i can do this!

#losing weight  

i lost all feeling

catch myself happy in the weirdest times, sad in the randomest moments, and lonely surrounded by everyone. i think my emotions are all on some fucked up cycle. i thought i was stronger than this, thought i was capable of controlling this better. but no. i can’t im weak and confused, im hurt im so close to surrendering. fucking battle wounds ache, scars reopen and theres not a pill strong enough to cure this, no drug strong enough to numb this. 

#:(